Thirteen women. Thirteen very different careers. Aerospace, medicine, nuclear, law, finance, auto repair, government, higher ed.
The one thread that ran through almost every Women [In] conversation wasn't a field. It was a gap: the space between what they did all day and who they were underneath. When that gap gets wide enough, something gives. Usually it's you.
It doesn't feel like a crisis. It feels like a phase.
Melissa K. Diaz put it better than anyone. Feeling stuck "on a hamster wheel with no room to move forward is a red flag, not a phase."1
That's the trap. Misalignment rarely shows up as one bad day. It shows up as a long run of fine days that leave you a little less like yourself each time. Lauren Fitzpatrick Shanks stayed in aerospace well over a decade after she knew.2 That's not weakness. That's what fine does.
It costs more than you budget for
Whitney Daniels loved her work in advocacy and policy. She still calls 2017 to 2019 "taxing emotionally, mentally and physically."3
Her rule now: "Don't forget to fill your cup back up, because if you don't, then how good or effective will you be for everyone else?"
Even aligned work drains you. Misaligned work drains you and gives nothing back.
Sometimes the choice gets made for you
Alexandria Stylianou liked her job in commercial fleet. She was moved from sales support into sales anyway. "They didn't really give me a choice, even though I liked my job as it was."4
Today she co-owns We Fix It Auto Repair in Tempe with her husband and coaches moms over 35 through Fierce Mom Fitness. She told me that at 20, fear of judgment held her back. Her advice now: "Go for it. Go big or go home."
Amy Kugali McWilliams was laid off at 28. The people who helped her most were mostly outside her field.5 Sometimes the door that closes is the one you were too comfortable to walk through.
How to find your way back
Dr. Connie Clary has failed first more than once: a bankrupt company, an eliminated job. Her advice to her younger self is simple: "Don't be so hard on yourself."6
Dr. Gloria Esoimeme, who rebuilt her life in Dubai: "Take the first step. You never know what's going to be next."7
What I'm taking from it
Alignment isn't a one-time decision. It's a check-in. Try three things. First, treat stuck as data. If you've felt it for months, it's not a phase. Second, fill your cup on purpose. Put it on the calendar like a client meeting. Third, widen your circle. Amy's best help came from people outside her industry. Yours might too.
And then there's our thirteenth woman. Amelia Christofferson graduates from Grand Canyon University in December. She's applying everywhere and, in her words, hearing "back from no one." She's already learned to count ruling things out as progress.8
She hasn't drifted from herself yet. I hope this series helps her, and you, notice early if it starts.
Start the series from the beginning: None of us planned this. And if your company's story is drifting from who you really are, The Cheeky Rooster is here for it.